someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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