guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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