just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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