Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
