your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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