There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
