Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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