he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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