I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
