so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
