i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
