I want to make a zoo with you.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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