as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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