i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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