Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
