He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
