Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
