$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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