I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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