is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
