I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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