i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
