i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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