i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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