I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
