He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
