took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize