i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
