my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
