i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
