I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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