that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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