i permit you to call me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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