Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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