I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
