How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
