your parents love me but you hate me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This is classic penis vs brain.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
