I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
