"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Damn victory sex feels great
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
