I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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