all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
