Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
