I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
