My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
