I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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