i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
