Your dad touched me again.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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