Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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