I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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