ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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