I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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