Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
