youre lurking in front of me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
