shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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