I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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