The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
