Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
