she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
