the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
