You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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