She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
