Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
