Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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