She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
