I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
