That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
