I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
