i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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