she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the day after is always just damage control
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
