you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
