I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
