Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
