True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
