I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She bit a glass in half.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
