I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
