Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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