How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
