yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
