Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
