I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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