Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize